Thoughts

The first thing that went through my mind while I typed in the name for the post was Rihanna’s new song. Wild wild wild thoughts. Good song eh? Well, look at me rambling away and moving away from the topic. Anyhow, where was I?

Ah yes.

2016 was probably the year I lost my sanity work wise.And 2017 will be the year I got my bearings back. Well, sort of.

I’m not saying this year has been easy.It has had it’s fair share of ups and downs, but it also goes down as the year in which I was able to silence the voices in my head. You know what I’m talking about don’t you? The voices that make you question if you are good enough.

This was how a normal internal dialogue would look like

Me: Why did I say that? I’m such an idiot

Me: Hmm, my boyfriend hasn’t replied to my message.Maybe he’s cheating on me

Me:Should I text him again? No, i’ll come off as desperate. But seriously, why isn’t he texting

Me: Why would he do this to me? Maybe it was something I did. Maybe I’m not good enough

Yep, this was a just a tiny glimpse into my usual state of mind.However, things have changed since then.I’ve slowly been able to silence the demons.It hasn’t been easy, but these days I wake up with a sense of gratitude. I’ve changed my thought process from today’s going to be a horrible day, to today is going to be the best day of my life.Why is this important you may ask?

It’s because thoughts lead to emotions which in turn leads to action. Simple isn’t it?

It took me 28 years to figure that out. 🙂

 

Pondicherry-Where France meets India

I’ve been to Pondicherry or Pondi as people fondly call it, a couple of times.The first time was when I was in college.I remember hitting the beaches of Auroville, and almost drowning.

This visit thankfully was a bit less dangerous than the first one.After the wedding revelry in Chennai came to an end,me and my college friends decided to head to Pondi for a very small weekend getaway trip.

We didn’t have a lot planned honestly, as this was supposed to be a weekend where we did absolutely nothing. So after having a quick breakfast at our stay(Coromandel heritage), we headed to Pondicherry Museum. Now, I’ll be honest and say this. It was an absolute let down. The place was in shambles, and the artefacts were in various states of decay.If you’ve got a short visit planned like us, then by all means please avoid the museum.

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We then ambled around, took a few photos in front of the governors residence which I may add is a beautiful building in itself, and also stepped into a church on the way.What I do love about Pondicherry is that at times you feel like you are in some part of France. You’ll catch small bits of conversations happening in French,pass by street names in French, beautiful French architecture, and also savour French food.The remnants are everywhere.

Later,we headed out for a boat ride that was arranged by a local near Promenade beach.On arriving, we found that we would be getting into a fishing boat with no life jacket whatsoever.The memories of me almost drowning did come to mind, but I pushed through it. After all,what else can you expect for 1500Rs, so we got onto the boat.It was definitely worth it, and we got to see a close up of the old harbour.After two hours of getting burnt in the sun, we headed back to the hotel,freshened up and then walked to a little french cafe called cafes des arts. We were infact the only Indians in the place when we arrived, and so assumed the food would be authentic.I can’t speak for the others, but I did like my crepes.

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The rest of the evening was spent doing nothing. We walked to the promenade, sat there for a good two hours, and then ambled along.We happend to glimpse upon the Alliance Francaise in Pondicherry, and lo and behold, they were playing a French movie. So we got in, and spent the next hour and half watching the movie(which had sub titles thankfully). By the time, we stepped out it was around 11, and realised that all places would shut soon. So we ran from restaurant to restaurant and got kicked out by everyone of them, until we found one place that would take us in for 20% extra. We took the bait.

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The next morning, my friends woke up early to catch the sunrise(I slept in), and then we headed to baker’s street,the famous french cafe. Unfortunately for us, the service that day was horrible, and the food wasn’t as great as expected either.

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What followed after was another lazy day, followed by driving down to Chennai to catch our respective flights, trains and buses to head back home.

A bit of sunshine

Sometime back, I was going through a shitty phase.I was travelling overnight, when the guy next to me noticed that I’m in tears. He asked me if everything is alright, and I say “not really”. I don’t know why, but he assumes someone close to me must have died. He then went on to tell me his story.About how he lost his girlfriend of around 5 years to an accident, and how he did not know how he would get over it. He says that its been a couple of years since her death, and he is set to get engaged to his best friend/now girlfriend the very next day, and that no matter how bad things may seem now, it is not going to last forever. That I will get over it.I shrug and say “I hope that’s true”. He says trust me, it will. I wished him all the best for his engagement, and he assured me once again.I smiled.And we said our goodbye as he alighted from the bus.

I saw that stranger again today. Needless to say he did not recognize me.I told him about the night we met, and he has a huge smile on his face.He says “You look happy, and I’m guessing you are over your bad phase whatever it was. And I say yes.” We both laugh and exchange pleasantries.

See that’s the thing. Life isn’t easy. You might lose someone you love, you might lose your job, you might be suicidal, but all you have to do is believe that in time things will be alright. And If it isn’t yet, it will be in time.And trust me. It will.