The first thing that went through my mind while I typed in the name for the post was Rihanna’s new song. Wild wild wild thoughts. Good song eh? Well, look at me rambling away and moving away from the topic. Anyhow, where was I?
2016 was probably the year I lost my sanity work wise.And 2017 will be the year I got my bearings back. Well, sort of.
I’m not saying this year has been easy.It has had it’s fair share of ups and downs, but it also goes down as the year in which I was able to silence the voices in my head. You know what I’m talking about don’t you? The voices that make you question if you are good enough.
This was how a normal internal dialogue would look like
Me: Why did I say that? I’m such an idiot
Me: Hmm, my boyfriend hasn’t replied to my message.Maybe he’s cheating on me
Me:Should I text him again? No, i’ll come off as desperate. But seriously, why isn’t he texting
Me: Why would he do this to me? Maybe it was something I did. Maybe I’m not good enough
Yep, this was a just a tiny glimpse into my usual state of mind.However, things have changed since then.I’ve slowly been able to silence the demons.It hasn’t been easy, but these days I wake up with a sense of gratitude. I’ve changed my thought process from today’s going to be a horrible day, to today is going to be the best day of my life.Why is this important you may ask?
It’s because thoughts lead to emotions which in turn leads to action. Simple isn’t it?
It took me 28 years to figure that out. 🙂
Despite my determination to keep this blog alive and active, I often get carried away by life! I’ve recently quit my second job,and have been taking a break from a lot of things. The place I worked in and the friends that I’ve made are two of the top things I’ve been keeping a distance from.
Why? I have no clue. I feel like my life isn’t as fulfilling as I would like it to be. I’ve been in Bangalore for over 7 years now, and witnessed the steady decline of the city that I once loved. The insane traffic, the sudden influx of people( most of whom I can’t stand), the waste disposal issues, the weather changes and so many other things. I feel like I need a fresh start in life. In a new place where I know none. I’ve been trying of course.I’ve given about 3 interviews in the past two months. I’m tired of the never ending rounds of interviews, the wait that follows, only to know that you have another round! It’s almost like a cycle isn’t it?
The only progress I have made so far is with my anxiety. I’ve been able to do a better job at keeping it at bay this time.But of course there are many things that do worry me.Will I survive this round of unemployment with positive results, will I be able to achieve the vision that ive built for myself, will I survive?
I’ve always been an over thinker. And when a certain series of unfortunate events occurred, I went into an over drive of over thinking. Has it helped me in any way? Not at all. I’ve lost a couple of pounds, gone anti social, and some days I feel like there will be no end to the constant chit chatter of negativity in my head.
It is interesting how much power we give to our mind.How we let it reign free, and imagine scenarios in our head when things actually aren’t that bad at all.
Picture this. You have a long distance boyfriend. And sometimes, when he doesn’t reply, you imagine the worst scenarios in your head. The truth maybe something as simple as he might be honestly busy, but when the mind reigns free, the thoughts we have can get twisted and in the end, the only person who loses is you.
Lately, I have been trying to control these negative thoughts. When a negative thought pops up, I try and negate it with rationality. It is hard, but I do feel more at ease. My problems still exist, but at least I have some control over how I let these emotions wreck havoc, and make things worse.
How do you deal with negative thoughts?