Today, I’m going to talk about my morbid hatred of phone calls. Every time I hear the phone ring, I am filled with anxiety. In fact my hatred is so intense that in my 6 months of long distance relationship, I have called my boyfriend only once.We whatsapp all the time, and it helps that he doesn’t like talking much either.
If I had to talk about myself, I would say that I’m a relatively social person. I’m not scared of social encounters. In fact there have been many times when I have thrived in them.Does this mean I have a different sort of social anxiety? Is it because I can’t see the person I’m talking to? Do i feel like they may be judging ? I still don’t know.
What’s your take?
Sometime back, I was going through a shitty phase.I was travelling overnight, when the guy next to me noticed that I’m in tears. He asked me if everything is alright, and I say “not really”. I don’t know why, but he assumes someone close to me must have died. He then went on to tell me his story.About how he lost his girlfriend of around 5 years to an accident, and how he did not know how he would get over it. He says that its been a couple of years since her death, and he is set to get engaged to his best friend/now girlfriend the very next day, and that no matter how bad things may seem now, it is not going to last forever. That I will get over it.I shrug and say “I hope that’s true”. He says trust me, it will. I wished him all the best for his engagement, and he assured me once again.I smiled.And we said our goodbye as he alighted from the bus.
I saw that stranger again today. Needless to say he did not recognize me.I told him about the night we met, and he has a huge smile on his face.He says “You look happy, and I’m guessing you are over your bad phase whatever it was. And I say yes.” We both laugh and exchange pleasantries.
See that’s the thing. Life isn’t easy. You might lose someone you love, you might lose your job, you might be suicidal, but all you have to do is believe that in time things will be alright. And If it isn’t yet, it will be in time.And trust me. It will.
So, I realized that it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I was going through a phase, a bad one. Long story short. I was jobless for roughly two months, and I’m not anymore.Now that I’ve written it down, it doesn’t seem so bad. But while I was jobless, it seemed like the worst stage of life to be in.
Since it was my first time being jobless, I had absolutely NO CLUE as to what to do with my life. My daily routine was suddenly replaced with nothing. I would wake up and have absolutely nothing to do. I avoided meeting people, stopped going out, and drove myself practically insane,and almost broke up with my boyfriend. Here is what I would suggest to someone who has recently lost their job:
- Create a routine for yourself: This is key. And it probably the toughest to do.After a month of moping around, I decided to join a language class.This forced me to wake up early, and gave me a purpose. After classes, I would head to breakfast, and then go back home, and scour the internet for jobs.I started cooking, exercising, and at times, I would meet a friend.
- Let people know about whats going on: When you are jobless, it is easy to shut yourself from the world, and go into a mode of depression. Talk to people. Let people know what you are going through. Who knows, your friends might know a company or an HR person who is looking out for someone.
- Take a break(if you have the money): While I was jobless, my friends decided to go on a trip. Initially, I decided not to go, but then I took a look at my finances, spoke to my boyfriend and decided that it would be good for me. I knew I had enough money for at least the next 3 months and that the break would help me unwind, and take a break from the incessant job hunting. Now that I look back, I am glad I went.
- Be prepared for unexpected rejections and don’t stop looking when you have scored one interview: I’ve lost count of the number of times I had interviewed, and gotten rejected. Some interviews would go really well, and the next day, I’d get a rejection email, and boy, did it stink! You experience cold shoulders from HR’s who said they would get back to you.The more rejections you face, the more dejected you become, and you start losing the confidence you had earlier.You start imagining that there might be something wrong with you. . The more this happens, the more dejected you become.My word of advice would be to not put all your eggs in one basket and stop looking at other jobs once you have had an interview.Always keep looking TILL you have a solid offer in hand.
- Don’t dwell on things that didn’t work: It would happen so often that after a good interview with no offer, I’d obsess about it. I’d wonder why I didn’t get the call. I’d picture in my head what I might have said that resulted me in not getting the call. DON’T DO THIS. This isn’t helpful at all, and might even effect your future interviews.Focus on the present. Always!
In the end , know that this phase is temporary. Know that good times will come, and if you are still jobless even after 2-3 months, take up an internship, volunteer somewhere, learn something new, blog about it. The point is do something! Anything! But don’t let it kindle your spirit!
I’ve always been an over thinker. And when a certain series of unfortunate events occurred, I went into an over drive of over thinking. Has it helped me in any way? Not at all. I’ve lost a couple of pounds, gone anti social, and some days I feel like there will be no end to the constant chit chatter of negativity in my head.
It is interesting how much power we give to our mind.How we let it reign free, and imagine scenarios in our head when things actually aren’t that bad at all.
Picture this. You have a long distance boyfriend. And sometimes, when he doesn’t reply, you imagine the worst scenarios in your head. The truth maybe something as simple as he might be honestly busy, but when the mind reigns free, the thoughts we have can get twisted and in the end, the only person who loses is you.
Lately, I have been trying to control these negative thoughts. When a negative thought pops up, I try and negate it with rationality. It is hard, but I do feel more at ease. My problems still exist, but at least I have some control over how I let these emotions wreck havoc, and make things worse.
How do you deal with negative thoughts?
I, like many, really don’t like people as a whole. I find little value in trite everyday conversation. I’m tired of the superficiality and the little value that these conversations add to my life. It has in fact reached a point where I find it exhausting to fake interest and put on a smile, when I am actually yawning inside or seeing through your bullshit. I prefer solitude to the company of many. I prefer honesty to being lied to, and most often I prefer silence to the constant jabber and negativity.
As a result of this, I’ve started withdrawing and I keep getting a lot of messages telling me that I’ve changed, or I’m not who I used to be. Dear friend, you need not worry. I’m still figuring out things on my own. I’m still trying to figure out what is best for me. Till then, please deal with my resting bitch face or arrogance or depression or whatever you may want to call it. I may avoid you, I may not smile like I used to. But know this. It has nothing to do with you.